Falling...isn't always a bad thing.....

Isn't this the most amazing thought!!  I think that it is true, right down to it's core!  So, I decided that I wanted to write tonight..however, I wasn't sure what to write, or better yet...how to write what I wanted to say...but, thennnnnn....I found this quote....and it is SOOOO perfect for where I'm at...and I think that there are some others out there in the same place...so, here I am...totally intrigued by this and the meaning that I find in it...sooooo...here are my thoughts...EEEEEK!!! :)

I've known a lot of different kinds of people in my life..and I do believe that people are put on our paths for a reason...always a lesson or something to find within yourself that you need to have to go on...I know that sounds overly dramatic, but the more I look at where my life is and where I want it to go...I see why some of those people were brought into my life...always something positive if we look at it in the right light.  Sometimes I think to myself..why do I always end up like this or that or why did that happen....hmmmmm...and then...THENNNNN...I thought....what did I do to make this happen...what was MY part in the problem....as selfish as this sounds, I had never considered my own self in the equation...it was all about what someone else was doing to ME...what????  REALLY???  Did I not allow certain things to happen while I sat there quietly...screaming on the inside that I was actually allowing these things..I was partaking in the whole scenerio..even if it was something that I knew was wrong..I don't feel good about myself for some of the decisions that I made...was I putting someone else's thoughts about themselves on the line???  Was I risking someone else's dignity to satisfy my own self????  Did I even consider another person's feelings about this...what if what I was doing, someone else was doing to me...how would I feel???  For so many years, I don't think that I have ever really considered myself a part of anything..I was just moving about in this world being unnoticed...there was never really any impact that I was having on anyone...they may think about me while I'm right there in front of them, but once I left...no thought was ever had about me...which in turn lead to me doing things that I don't feel were something that I would ever do..but...I WAS DOING THEM...I was doing things that I could have NEVER imagined myself doing...talking about people with other people...gossiping...trying to please the world that I "felt" didn't care whether or not I was alive or dead...because, I thought that I was just some shadow that skated through life with no consequences...and I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT!!!!  HORRIBLE...UNTHINKABLE....SOOO ASHAMED OF MYSELF!!!!  

They say that the things that someone else does that make you SO mad...you are SO annoyed that you think that you are going to explode...you cannot even fathom being that narrow minded...that stubborn...that whatever it is that really gets to you...anyway, they say that if you look closely at the things that bother you the MOST about another person, those are the things about yourself that you hate the most or the part of yourself that you don't want anyone else to know about, because it's THAT bad!!  I've thought about this particular thought and I think to myself...I would NEVER do that...there's that "never" word...one that we should NOT use...because if we look deep, deep.....realllllllly deeeeeeeeeeeeeep....(disclaimer..this is a new discovery of mine...like within the last couple of weeks and a really good friend to help me see) anyway...you will see...looking back on the past few years (aka: decades) of my life...I think about all of the memories I've made..all of the people that I've met...all the things that I can remember vividly saying or doing....and then I think about all of the times that I was at the lowest points in my life and what was going on when I got into those dark places that I didn't think had an end....what was I doing...what was I saying???  I wasn't doing or saying things that I was proud of...that's for sure!  After doing a little reevaluating of my life and where it was heading these past few days...I've realized that at the lowest points in my life...I was doing and saying things that go against almost everything that I believe myself to be!  Does that make any sort of sense???  NOOOOO!!!  

So...enter in the quote from above....many of the things in our lives that we view as the "end of the world"..things just couldn't possibly get any worse...we start questioning our self worth...looking for ANY answer that would make this "suffering" make sense....we make desperate choices...we believe everything anyone tells us...we are desperate to figure this out and will go to any lengths to make the ultimate discovery of our own destruction...when all along, we/I are the one's destroying ourselves...we allow all of this negativity into our lives...we set traps for it so we can catch it...so we can feel a part of something...anything...even if it is the most horrible thing...we will find a way to actually "enjoy" it...because after all...that makes us mean something...gives us validation for our own selves and also makes it so we don't have to take any sort of responsibility for what we do because..I was just doing what everyone else was doing...just like I'll jump off of the cliff just because the other people did...even though I knew that it would be to my own demise...those are the people that don't care about you...those are the one's that are just using you to fill in for something that they are missing, because if someone REALLY cares about you..they would be the one's there screaming and pulling you back...yelling at you to NOT jump...bringing you back to the reality that you lost somewhere along the line....THOSE ARE THE ONE'S THAT MATTER..those are the one's that make all of the difference in the world!!

Now that I've rambled on and on...as usual...haha!!  Anyway...sometimes the darkest times in our lives are the times that have the most beautiful lessons hidden in them...we only need to open our eyes and our minds and realize that we are not the only one's on the Earth...there are millions of other people...millions of other scenerios...millions of people suffering...millions of people celebrating wonderful moments in life...we need to see and appreciate people for where they are at in life...but, we also need to see and respect why these people and why these circumstances are in our lives at the moment that they are....WE ARE GROWING...LEARNING...ALWAYSSSS!!!  Life is not about who has the most or who has endured the most....life is about growing and becoming the person that you were meant to be...the person that lies inside all of us that we are afraid to let out...the one that would soar if only we would untie our wings...(a little dramatization...it never hurts, right?  heehee)....but, in the end...those moments where we are ready to end it all...because we don't "matter"....when life looks like a war zone and there's no light at the end of the tunnel....those actually end up being the most beautiful moments in our lives...they are the moments we begin to see change...a whole new way of looking at things and a whole new way to appreciate those moments in our lives....and they give us an open door to move on to the next phase of life....so, wishing all of the people that have crossed my path only happiness...and gratitude for what they have given me...it's taken me a LONNNNG time to realize this, but once again...God placed some pretty amazing people in my life right when I needed them to be there...they showed me the err of my ways...and they also showed me that what I do DOES in fact, matter.....make better decisions the next time around....and know that we are ALWAYS growing and changing....there are people that I truly love and I always will, but I have to let them find their own happiness in life...just because I can't be a part of their lives, I have to let them go and realize that they will always be a part of my story...and I'm so, so grateful for that...I wish for them to find their way in life and hoping for their happiness...

Soooo, that's what has been on my mind the past few weeks...a lot of self analyzing and reflection...and well...growing!!!  I obviously LOVE to talk/type..heehee...so I make long stories even LONGER...ha....hope that it all made sense and hoping that you enjoyed it...have a FABULOUS night everyone!!!!  Thanks for reading!!  :)))

Molly

Believe nothing...unless.....

Sooooo.....this has got to be the longest that I have EVER went without blogging...OHHH NOOOO!!!  Hahahaha!!  I'm hoping that everyone has been enjoying life and making the most out of it....I would love to say that I've been busy, busy...but, it's more like lazy, lazy...heehee!!!
It seems that I've been lost in my own little world lately...just thinking about life...the meaning..you know, light thinking...hahahaha!!
I sometimes just sit around and think of all of the people in my life that ARE my life..they raise me higher..they challenge me...I cherish them OHHH SOOOO MUCH!!!  So, here are my thoughts...I honestly ADORE the peeps in my life...and I feel that I have seriously been MORE than blessed in that area of my life...WOOOHOOOO...LUCKY, LUCKY MISS MOLLY!  ...but, as I've talked about before...there seems to be a HUMONGO whole or space orrrrr, well whatever you want to call it..something missing...I've sat and tried to figure it out and I most certainly do not want to downplay those amazing family and friends of mine...they are so far up on top of the pedestal that I've put them on that there is absolutely NO WAY that I can make light of that...I love them to the core of my being!  So, having said that, we often run across people...and since I have been so insanely spoiled by the people in my life, I trust pretty much anyone that crosses my path...so NAIVE...I know...blahhhhhhh!!!  So, we come across these people that tell you EVERYTHING that you've been DYING to hear....I mean it's UNBELIEVABLE that someone could, almost word for word tell you everything you want to hear....that mayyyyyyybeeeeeee....just MAYBE someone UNDERSTANDS...no one would be so mean as to mess around with someone's emotions, feelings...whatever you want to call them....ooooooooooo....I don't even like writing that OR thinking that!  I've come to the realization that people, more than I would like to admit...will do or say ANYTHING to get what they want...REALLY????  This makes me soooo sadddddd!!!  People will be so, so, so kind and talk to you like you've been friends with them for YEARS and then turn around and throw a person under the bus just as easy as they breathe, without even flinching...hmmmmmm....darn it!!
Soooooo, with all of these thoughts running around in my head, I've tried to come up with a way to realize when people are being honest and when they aren't....do you realize how hard that is????  So, this word was said when I was discussing my thoughts with one of my friends...master manipulators....DARN IT!!  What can I do to prevent this "blind" trust that I seem to have for everyone that I meet???  Do I not trust ANYTHING that anyone says to me regarding certain things...just play along and act like I'm totally believing everything that's coming out of their mouths and then walk away??  I would hate to go through life not trusting...just assuming that everyone is lying just to get something from a person....but, on the other hand..it gets old knowing that's all that they think I'm (or whoever) is worth...a lie???  WOWSERS!!!  I have found it a lot easier to live in some fantasy world where everything is AWESOMMMMME all of the time...I don't like to look at anything bad that might be going on...my actions/decisions are a lot of the time a bad choice, but I choose to do them anyway...that's just as bad as anything else...I don't think things through...just act on a whim and say that I'll worry about it later...well, I think that "later" has finally arrived and I'm being bombarded with all of the wrong choices that I've made (at least the one's that I can remember) and I'm not quite sure how to handle it....we can't make up for lost time...we can't go back and redo anything...make a different decision...hmmmmmm....I suppose that they only answer is...if I have to tell myself that I'll worry about it later....maybe I shouldn't be doing it..hahaha!!!   I am not wanting this blog to be all negative Nelly..so, we must turn this baby around...YESSSSS!!!!!
I'm going to try to look more toward the future and realize that past decisions are past decisions..they can't be undone...and yes, my life is NO WHERE near where I would like it to be, but it is where it needs to be...we can only learn from past decisions...realize where it was we took the wrong turn and learn and grow from it!  Now, this seems like a HUGE task, however I think will be the best thing to do at this point....not everyone has our best interests at heart....only and ONLY we, ourselves can decide what is the best for us...after all, we are the only one that is going to care whether we get what we want out of our lives....ohhhhhh....this has been a lonnnnnnng time coming....and if you're wondering...I'm a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to life...I probably should have had this "epiphany" years ago, huh???  haha!!  Well, one thing is for sure...I have had TONS AND TONS AND TONS of FUNNNN over the years...and I've made some SPECTACULAR friends (you know, the one's that they say you will only be able to count your real one's on one hand)...yeah, my Dad wasn't kidding when he used to tell us girls that...
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST THOUGHT OF...what if I'm going through a midlife crisis...OHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!  hahahahaha!!  Just had to add a little humor...it's getting WAY to serious around here...heehee!!!  Ok, so here's my plan....if actions don't match words....it's not real....it's fake...I'm not going to believe that people are doing and saying these things on purpose....it's just their way of communicating, doesn't mean that I have to believe it...I will just smile and listen and move on....I need to be able to believe in the goodness of people and the only way that I can think to do that is just smile....I don't want to argue...just smile....move on and find my own way....YAHOOOOOOO!!!
Yep, that was A LOT of rambling...if you made it this far...thanks for reading...heehee!!  :)))
Here's to turning the page to a NEW and BETTER chapter in life.....YAYYYY!!!!  :)))

"Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got..."

Wellllll helllllllo all!!!  Hoping that all has been well in your world's.....things have been pretty good in mine!  ...althoughhhhh, it's been...ohhhhhhh....what.....a million and a half years since I've last posted anything...WHOA!!!  Now that we're on the downhill side of January, I'm hoping that all of your holiday's were SUPER SPECTACULAR!!  I love, love, LOVE the holiday's...they are the bestest time of year!!! 
Sooooo, I got the grandiose idea today to write a blog tonight...which in turn got my little brain turning and turning trying to think of something AHHHH-MAZZZZZINGGGGG to write about, but to no avail...I came up empty handed....hmmmm..you would think that I lead a pretty boring life, huh??  hahaha.....soooo anyway, I thought and thought and thought and I think that I FINALLY came up with something....so, herrrrre goes....
The one thing that you need to know about me is that I am EXTREMELY passionate about how we treat each other...this is a pretty broad statement, I'm talking about any person...friend, stranger, enemy...anyone...this applies to the ENTIRE human race....yes, when I say "grandiose" I meant GRANDIOSE...heehee!!!  Over these past few years of my existence, I've come to realize that I am EXTREMELY intrigued by how people treat other people...what they expect from both people they know and strangers, because we all have to admit that we usually are expecting something of somebody almost all of the time....sometimes those expectations are high and sometimes they are low...but, we all have expectations of one another...on whatever level it may be...
Sooooo, having said that...I have to confess something that I'm not proud of, but yet I'm not exactly ashamed of it either....I totally and completely lost my cool today with a good friend of mine....LOST IT...WAYYYYYY OVER THE TOP, LOST IT!!!  ...I am NOT proud of the way that I handled the situation, but I am happy and relieved that she is a good enough friend to not hold it against me...she just sat there and listened to me scream and vent and throw the HUGEST temper tantrum that I have ever thrown...WHOA!!!!  ....now I need to STOP and reevaluate....I've been thinking about it all day long....
Ok....now that I said that, back to the expectations thing.....I have, as I've mentioned in probably every post...some pretty amazing friends....they have stood by me through all sorts of things and moods and just more things and they have never failed me...so, I realized today that I do have SUPER HIGH expectations of my friends...expectations that I would hope that I live up to where they are concerned as well.....I never really thought about it....but, you know when one thing happens over and over and over and over...there comes a point when you can't take it anymore...you want to SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.....your chest gets all tight, you can't breathe, your heart is racing...your face is red...your acting like a CRAZY MANIAC.....and you take it out on those closest to you, 'EXPECTING' that you will come out of this dark cloud unscathed and still have a wonderful friend....ahhhhhhh......I am the lucky one...I do still have a friend....thank goodness, because I probably don't deserve it! 
I have lived 30 some odd years and have yet to grasp the concept of the fact that basically people are just out for themselves, the majority of the people in our lives are just acqaintences to walk along the road with us for a while... and then we have the precious few that never leave us....how WONDERFUL are those people, for without them...where would any of us be???  I also realized that I have never felt an emotion quite so strong, in I think my whole life....my body actually reacted....my hands were shaking....something I hope to never experience again, but yet at the same time...I felt kind of ALIVE...that I was standing up for something that I believed in....YESSSSSSS!!!  Yes, most likely went about it in the wrong way, but there was definitely fire...haaaa!!!!  I want SO DESPERATELY to believe that there is goodness and compassion and a kind heart in everyone that I meet....I want to be surrounded by that in my life and I want to show that part of myself to the world....it's a bit disheartening to know that there are more people than I would like to admit..that ARE actually just out there for themselves...they've been broken by a society that has become SO insanely selfish that no one can see outside of themselves anymore...and the one's that can just give up because it seems like we're just little hamsters running on a wheel that is getting us no where...nothing against hampsters...I love them...they are the cutest little things....yes, a bit side tracked there...heehee!!  I guess, I just hope and pray that people start looking more at how they are treating other people...have a litte more consideration for someone else, even if it is "cramping your style"...it makes you feel sooooo good when you go out of your way to make someone's day a little bit easier....or to make someone smile...I know how it feels to have people do that for me...that extra little time they take to help me out....or when I'm having a bad day and I look up and see a smiling face waving at me...heehee...some people are so cute!!  I think that we all have it within us, I think that the world has just beaten us to the point that no one knows what to do anymore.....I guess what I'm trying to say is that...it is SOOOOO worth it to be genuine and honest and loving and kind....it gives hope and instills happiness and contentment....it's all of those warm fuzzy feelings we all love....and you know what....I think that we are all looking for that, we just don't know where to start.....everything starts with just one little baby, teeny tiny step.....just a little smile at a stranger and before you know it, you're walking around smiling and saying hello to everyone....just try this....next time you're out shopping...instead of looking at the floor or your cart or whatever may be on the shelf....smile at the person coming toward you.....MOST of the time, they instantly smile back....it's infectious....that's not the right word that I'm looking for, but you get what I'm going for....SPREAD KINDNESS and have consideration for another person, because it will give you SO much back.....ahhhhhhh....and there is my dream....all layed out in a million words...heeheee.....
Thanks so much for reading...I love writing in my blog, just need to keep up on it a bit more....have a FABULOUS night!!! 

Molly

"The stories we love best....live in us forever..."

Well hello, hello, hello!!  Once again, it's been a while since I last wrote...hoping that everyone has been wonderful!!  This year has certainly flown right by us, seems that we were celebrating Christmas just yesterday, and yet here it is again!  I love, love, LOVE this season...I love the feeling of it!!  I'm not a big fan of snow, but I'm kind of missing seeing it this year...hmmm, mayyyybe we will still get some before the big day arrives..heehee..I can't even believe that I just said that!!  :)))
So tonight, I felt like writing...I'm sitting here trying to think about how to put all of my thoughts into words..seems like my thoughts are ALLLLL over the place lately..oopsy!!  heehee!!
I don't feel right if I don't mention something about what's been going on over the past few days with the school shooting in Connecticut...one of the most horrible things that I could ever imagine and my heart is breaking for the families involved and the community as a whole...I have no words other than to send all of my love to them and my prayers for healing.  It definitely puts a lot of things into perspective for me and hopefully for all of us....we MUST appreciate the people in our lives, no matter their age or anything else...we never know when it can all come to an end...love others with the best of yourself...there's nothing else that matters!!!
I've always tried my best to treat everyone the way that I would like to be treated..but, there are times that I fail miserably...and that is such a bad feeling...when I lose my temper, get mad over something that seems so petty...and then I get mad at myself for getting so worked up over nothing...because as we can now see..there are SO many other people dealing with something so much bigger than we could ever imagine...makes our little worries seem so little!
Sometimes it's SO difficult to seperate ourselves from what we view as problems in our lives..and yes, there is always, always, ALWAYS going to be someone, somewhere that is MUCH worse off than we are....but, it doesn't mean that our problems and concerns don't matter, because they do....they affect us and the people around us....we just have to learn to look at things through new eyes...that's the hard part...we get so used to the way we see things that we can't see them in any other light...we get so wrapped up that we forget all of the things that we DO have....it's SO easy to do that...I'm incredibly guilty of this...I hate the fact that I can say that with 100% truth...why is it so easy to forget the things that we do have????  Some people have children...a family....a great job...a beautiful home...the list can go on and on and on....shooooooot!!!  I spend my days wondering why I never got to have a family of my own....why don't I have my dream job (cuz, I would be SOOOOO good at it...haha!!)...why can't I drive a brand new car???  Why, why, why??? Welllll, what I DO have is a SUPER FANTASTIC family....WONDERFUL friends that would move mountains for me if I needed them to....I have an apartment that I'm pretty happy in...I have a car that gets me where I need to go ANNNNNNNND my life is surrounded by love...YES, it's true...but, so many times I fail to see those things...I'm always wanting what I don't have, but in reality..would those things make me happy???  Really???  Would they???  I would NEVER trade my family OR my friends for a better house or a new car or a great job....I would NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVERRRRRRR give any of them up for any of the things that I "think" that I want or need for my life to be complete!  When I really sit down and think about things...yes, it would be nice to have a brand new beautiful car...but, then what would I do when I needed to make a joke about what my car did TODAY and we all sit around laughing about it...I've even named my little car...her name is Erica Jane...heehee....so when we talk about her, we have a name...heehee...it's soooo funny sometimes....and if I had some big, beautiful dream home...how would I be able to constantly be thinking of new decorating ideas and keeping myself busy with all of the little projects that I do to make it my home...sitting around looking at the perfect home would be boring....right???  Sometimes I think that I say these things to make myself feel better about my life...but, in reality..the "things" that we want are just THINGS...they can't give us feeling...they can't bring us happiness...they can do NOTHING for us other than possibly satisfy a need for a moment...and that moment passes so quickly, then we're back to feeling all of the same bad feelings that we would be feeling without the family and friends that surround us...because where would we be without those amazing people in our lives????  I don't want to even think about it, because in all reality, I most likely wouldn't have survived this far into my life...I know that it's just human nature to always be wanting more, but at some point we have to be happy with what we have...because I would give up all of my "things" for just ONE more day with my Grandma Pedersen...I would give it all up...but, we would NEVER give up the people that we love just to have more "things"!!
Well...those are my thoughts for tonight....thank you so much for reading and I hope that you all have a FANTASTIC Christmas and a very, very Happy New Year!!!  Cheers!!  :))

..just for a moment..

Hello all!!  So, here it is...it's 235am on a Friday night...or should I say, very early Saturday morning...ahhhhh....and guess who can't seem to sleep....meeeeeeeeeeee!!!  I've spent the majority of my evening getting my apartment all Christmasized...love that word...don't you??  heehee....and breaking out the old Netflix...oooooo...not sure that was such a good idea..ha!!!  Anyway...here I am...thinking about the holidays and family and friends and just the random moments of life in general.  The goal of my little online world is to write about things that are important...things that we don't just sit around and have casual conversation about...things that mean something, both to me and whoever might be reading...probably more to me, but I write with the intent that maybe someone (myself included) won't feel so alone in anything...I know...such a big dream in a small world, huh...but, alas...I'm a dreamer....probably to a fault, as I've mentioned before, but it's my favorite part of me...YAYYYY!!!!
Soooo....before I begin...I apologize, because this is most likely going to be pretty lengthy...ooopsy....guess I'm in that good ole deep thought mode....AGAIN!!  heehee!!  This is probably the ONE topic that I'm the MOST afraid of, but after thinking about whether or not I wanted to address it on my blog...I thought, you know what...I'm just going to go ahead and do it...soooooo....herrrrrre goes....
My biggest...most hugest...MOST gigantic fear in my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE is.....can you guess????  Hmmmm...I'll give you a few hints...I'm a kitty lady (a title I wear very proudly, by the way..heehee)....I have AMPLE time to do a lot of the things that I want to do...don't really have the wallet..but, I do in fact have the time......sooooooo....have you guessed it yet???  Ok, ok.....I am SUPER afraid of being all alone in this life...to never find that ONE person that I will fall head over heels for and that would fall in love with all of the craziness that has become ME.....I've made some wrong turns, took a few detours....been sitting on the road where all I could see was "road construction" and been waiting for the road guy to turn that big stop sign around to tell me that I could move forward.....I think that I've hit enough of the "road construction" and detours to last a hundred lifetimes....sometimes I am so consumed with the fact that I am nearing that big huge number that might possibly start with a FOUR and feeling like there is something the matter with me...that life is just passing me by...that the things that were supposed to happen in my twenties...well, they just never happened.  We spend our twenties and thirties watching our friends get married...have beautiful kiddos...buy houses....all of the things that happen in most people's lives...I think that I must have been late (which, really is no surprise, since I'm pretty much late for absolutely everything...haha)  for that train...I've spent the majority of my life, seriously...almost my ENTIRE life blaming the fact that I wasn't a super model on the fact that I have not experienced any of these things....and you know what...I've also been throwing a pretty ginormous pity party about it too....that's not very fun, huh??  NOOOOOO....Miss Molly should be sitting here counting the endless number of blessings that she has been given....and when I say "endless number", I'm being completely serious....life has been OHHH SOOOOO GOOD to me....I have met some of the most wonderful people that ever existed AND on top of that, I get to call them my friends and my family....WHOA!!  YES...I'm totally and completely in love with each and every one of them....but, still....I can't help but wonder why the other thing is missing....I LOVE to watch people...have you ever just watched people...pretty interesting, huh???  After you sit there for a while, you begin to wonder what their lives are like...how they think....just anything...and then I find myself making little life stories for them in my head....CRAZY, CRAZY...heehee!!  People become so beautiful if you take the time to really SEE them...hear their stories and whatnot...pretty soon, you "see" something other than their physical appearance....it's funny how that happens, isn't it??  I was just thinking about that the other day...my best friend, Lisa...well, if you are on my Facebook...we go out quite often...see each other AT LEAST once a week...talk on the phone every single day....and she can tell me...I have a hair appointment on such and such a day and then I will see her after she gets her hair done...and unless she does something totally drastic...I don't even notice...not because I don't want to, it's just that you don't look at the appearance of those closest to you anymore...you start seeing what's on the inside..it's pretty amazing if you think about it....but, I also know that the people that I love, that are in my heart....always look absolutely amazing....no matter what...because they ARE amazing....
Sooooo, onto the next part of my story....sooo, like I mentioned earlier...I've taken some wrong turns...probably made what seemed like bad decisions at the time where guys are concerned...I have the innate ability to find ONLY the one's that aren't looking for anything more than anything really...everytime that I meet someone new, I'm like...ok, I'm going to get to know them and make a decision based on that...I don't want to think that they are just out there to hurt me...that would totally mean that I'm paranoid...there has been something about each of them that always has a familiarity about it...always the same type of guy...the one's that want nothing...don't want to hang out just to hang out...they don't want to know anything about me....nothing.   Oddly enough...look what I've ended up with......yep.....N.O.T.H.I.N.G!  Yes...there it is...the dreaded sentence that makes my soul shed tears that cause floods....haha!!!  ...but, then....a little glimmer....a little spark.....a little, itty, bitty light...I can see it....I can almost feel it....ahhhhhhh...yessssssss....I met him....I did, I did, I did....he even took me out to eat...TWICE...in PUBLIC....we went SHOPPING together..IN PUBLIC....we talked about ALLLLL sorts of things....I've never laughed so hard and so much in my whole life...we had SOOOO much fun together....I was completely honest with him....talked about things that I've never shared with a guy before....WOWWWWW....hands down...BESSSSSST FEEEEEEELING EVERRRRRRRRRR....EVERRRRRRRRR....EVERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   ...and then, in the blink of an eye...without any explanation.....GONE!  DONE!  Now what????  Well, I've been sitting around for the last 2 days throwing myself one of the biggest pity parties in the history of pity parties...but, yeah, it's starting to get old...I'm DONE doing that....sooooo, this is where I'm at....I'm going to look at this last experience as a growing experience....I am going to be thankful for the time that he invested in me....for the fun....for the laughs and for the fact that I let someone in, even if it was just a little bit, it was more than I've ever given....and I had SOOOO much FUNNNN!!!  It can't be a bad memory when for the time that it was happening...I've never been so happy and excited...ANNNNND I got a glimpse of what it might feel like to invest yourself into someone....LOVE the feeling.....I took a chance...yeah...didn't get the results that I was hoping for...but, I TOOK A CHANCE....I've NEVER taken a chance like that...EVERRRRRRR....can you even believe it....WOW!!!  heeeheeheehee!  I'm SO very proud of myself for at least hopping...I didn't quite get the whole "jump" in for that leap of faith...I just hopped...heehee...I need to practice a little bit more before I leap.....just to make sure I get it right when it needs to be right...so, I cannot be mad at this man...yes, I'm hurt...ok, I'm bruised...not hurt, hurt....I have to give him credit for making the attempt...it was nice while it lasted and like I said...soooooo much funnn....gave me hope...and it also made me realize that I can NEVER take the people that love me and support me through all of these little bumps in my life for granted....they are something that I will treasure forever....they are my treasure...and I hit the MOTHERLOAD...heeeheee....so, to wind this down...thank you to all of those who are part of my life and have continued to be a part of my life...I owe you the world and some.....I appreciate everything that you do for me and can only hope that I am there for you as much as you are for me......and, that my friends...are the thoughts of this dreamer...heehee....thanks again for reading....it is now 328am and I am going to TRY to go to sleep...cross your fingers and wish me luck!!  Nighty night everyone!! :)

I've got friends...OH YES I DO!! :)

Once again...it's been FOREVERRRR since I've wrote in my little world....shoooooot!!  Anyway, I hope that this finds you all well and good...YAY!!
Soooo, I thought about what I was going to write about ALLL day long...I couldn't quite decide what it was that I felt like rambling about tonight and then I get home and check the mail...there were TWO wonderful surprises waiting in that little mailbox for me...the first and BEST thing was that I received a card from a SUPER FABULOUS friend of mine who has recently joined the Airforce...ohhhhhh yesssss, I'm going to go on and on and ON about that here in a minute and the second little surprise was that I received a new pair of jeans that I had ordered a while back in a size smaller and guess what....THEY FITTTTTTT....OHHHH YEAHHHHHH!!!  What a great ending to the longest day EVERRRR!!
Ok..so now...about this card that I got from my friend, Danielle....it was JUST what I needed at exactly the right moment...don't you just LOVE your friends...I have been BEYOND BLESSED when it comes to the people in my life and I am sooooooooooo, soooooooo, sooooooo appreciative of every single one of them...they all add that extra little spark that we need to keep on keeping on....they give us a sense of self and make us feel like we matter....friendships are something that I hold so close to my heart..sometimes I'm pretty sure that they are my heart...such a FABULOUS feeling!!!
Sometimes it seems that the world is just sitting around bored and thinking..hmmmm..what can I do to add just a little bit more stress to this person's life...like it's not possible to be able to carry on in life without some disaster striking just when things are starting to look up....hits you when you least expect it....blindsides you and doesn't look back...no apology, no regret...it just goes on...HOW RUDE!!  hahaha....
Hmmmm...I hate to admit that I used to be the person that would take the hits and sit around in my own puddle of self pity..wondering why in the world this is happening to me...what in God's creation have I done in my life to deserve this or that....ohhhhhhhh....NOTTTTT a good road to go down, that's for sure....I've grown since those times, but once in a while my mind still wants to throw those little pity parties and it wants to invite everyone that I know...you know, to bring them down with me...ooooooooooo...I'm cringing...I hate that thought...absolutely HATE it!!  ...as I've grown older and realized that it makes absolutely NO sense whatsoever to bring other people down...why would anyone ever want to do something like that????  ...because of the people in my life...the wonderful friends that I've made and the family that I have been OHHHH SOOOOO BLESSED with, I've learned some EXTRAORDINARY things about life in general....if we start counting our blessings instead of our sorrows...your ENTIRE life changes...pretty soon you are surrounded by some of the most amazing people that you could ever imagine keeping company with....and the more you are around them the more you become exactly what you admire the most in those amazing peeps.....AHHHHHHH...there's the key to happiness...at least that's what I believe is the key to happiness!!!  :))))
There are going to be so many things in this life that are put there to either make us or break us....ohhhhhh, how I don't want to be broken anymore...and THENNNNNN....look what happened...I got a beautiful card in the MAIL from one of the most inspiring, genuine, kind hearted and wise people that I have ever known!!  Blessings are everywhere, whether it be your kiddos, your friends, your family, your pets....the list can go on and on and on....kind of like my writings...heehee!!!  There are going to be those days when we think that we just can't go on...tooo many things have happened and damaged us beyond repair....sometimes we fail to see the light of the many blessings that surround us everyday....there is always someone who cares and understands and is willing to let you vent it all out until it's done and you're ready to move forward...I am sitting here smiling, because no matter what is going on, I know that I am soooooo lucky to have the people in my life that I do...I may not have everything that I want in this life, or the things that I think that I "need", but when I sit down and really think about it...I am absolutely, positively surrounded by the love that I never think that I have....I just have it in a different form...I have it from the MOST amazing family that anyone could ever ask for and I have it from some SUPER FANTASTIC friends that have become the family that I chose...and I look up to all of them and admire each one of them....they are the strongest people that I will probably  ever know....and I'm so happy...in fact, I'm sitting here with the biggest smile on my face just thinking about all of them...sooooo, to my family and friends....you all mean the WORLD AND BEYOND to me.....I would have never made it through this much of my life without any of you....everything is a lesson that must be learned to be understood...haha...I think that's how that quote goes... :))  Wishing you all a wonderful evening....thanks for reading!!  :))

"We are shaped by the light we let through us.."

“WHEN A BIRD IS ALIVE…IT EATS ANTS.

WHEN THE BIRD HAS DIED…ANTS EAT IT.

ONE TREE CAN BE MADE INTO A MILLION MATCHSTICKS…BUT ONLY

ONE MATCHSTICK IS NEEDED TO BURN A MILLION TREES.

CIRCUMSTANCES CAN CHANGE AT ANY TIME…DON’T DEVALUE OR HURT

ANYONE IN THIS LIFE…

YOU MAY BE POWERFUL TODAY BUT TIME IS MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU”

Have you ever just sat around and thought about all of the people that you encounter throughout the day?  Did you think about what you said to them or how you treated them?  I’m not just talking about the people that we see everyday, but also about the people that we just pass by while grocery shopping or when we are filling our car up with gas…those random people?  Have you ever been standing in line and the person in front of you is so completely rude to the person behind the counter and you start thinking to yourself how absurd it is that a complete stranger can treat another human being like that?  If we step back and look at ourselves and how we might be coming across to them or to other’s that may be watching, it really gets you to thinking.  I realize that the world is full of problems, our lives are overflowing with stress and tension and it’s really difficult to stop and think about how we are treating the people around us.  Sometimes that person ahead of you in line that thinks that it is ok to treat the person behind the counter so badly, because after all…they are JUST a cashier.  We get so caught up in our daily struggles that we forget that people are people..no matter what their job is, or their social status or what they look like.  We live in a society that believes the only way to be “somebody” is to do anything to get to the top, no matter who they are hurting along the way…as long as THEY are the one that wins in the end, but what does winning mean when there is no one left around you to cheer you on, to congratulate you, to support you?  What happens then?  Our time is limited, none of us can determine how long we get to be here with all of the people that are around us…and none of us know when everything can be lost in the blink of an eye..wouldn’t you rather live a life being the best that you can be and at the same time bring everyone else along with you for the ride?  ..or would you rather be that person in front of you in the line that feels that it is ok to treat people in an unkind manner because they think that they are “better” than another person?  Sometimes it’s so easy to sit and wonder how anyone could possibly do something like that..we fail to see what we, ourselves are doing…it’s always easier to point a finger than to look in the mirror…

Unfortunately, I can’t think of any way that I can single-handedly change the world, I don’t have the power to change how people treat one another and I certainly don’t have the power to make anyone believe anything…but, what I do have the power to do is spread kindness and joy…patience and understanding and have empathy for another human being.  We are all the same, we are all living in the same world, so why would anyone choose to make anyone’s life including their own..a miserable existence?  We never know when the our own world’s will crumble into a heap of nothingness…we just never know how long we will be on the “top”…we should never get so caught up in winning that we abandon any sense of humanity, because there will come a day  when we might need to lean on someone when times are tough..wouldn’t it be nice to know that you treated everyone that you met with respect, no matter how they are treating you?  You chose to be the better person.  I admit, it’s a tough world out there, we are going to encounter people who couldn’t care less about what the next person is feeling, we are always going to have to feel pain and insignificance, but there is a small glimmer of hope, and it all begins with how we react to these situations.  Always be kind and try your hardest to be the understanding one…not only will it make another person feel better, it will make you feel better about yourself and the more you do it the more you take part in changing a little part of the world for the better.  Never take anyone for granted, everyone has a story..including you.