Monday, September 24, 2012

...back from hibernation...ha!!

Hello, hello, HELLO!!  Mannnnn, it's been so long since I've written a post that I almost forgot how to log in...WHOA!!!  I'm hoping that all has been going well in all of your lives.  I think that my life has completely BLOWN UPPP...I don't think that I ever remember being soooooo strained for's SUPER EXCITING, but has also added just a weeeeee little bit of stress..hence my little bloggy post for the evening!  The best part about all of this is that...are you ready??  ARRRRE YOUUU READDYYYYY????  heehee...wellll, I have sort of decided that enough was enough...I'm just going to go for it...and in saying "GO FOR IT"...I mean that I have taken on going for EVERYTHING...ALLLL AT ONCE!!!  I apologize in advance if I ramble on and on and ONNNN....heehee!!
So, I decided that I wanted to go back to school...convinced myself that now that I am an adult, I will have such a better outlook and appreciation for what school will offer me...I will be SO much more dedicated...hmmmmm....darn it...this one has been a struggle...turns out that I didn't realize that so much of my time is used at work...having a difficult time concentrating long enough to get anything accomplished...but, I'm NOT giving up quite yet...YAY!!!  The next thing that I decided to take on...and let me put this little disclaimer in here...I don't exactly know if I actually made a conscious decision to do this, or if my brain FINALLY decided that it was time....I have begun a little workout 330 AM...yes..that's right...330 IN THE MORNING!!  WHATTTTT????, I think that I've skipped out on 3 days as of right now and I'm pretty sure that I've been AT LEAST 15-20 minutes late every morning...oopsy!!  ...but, it IS more moving than I've done in the past, so that's definitely a plus....tomorrow's goal...wake up AT there AT 330AM...heeheehee!!!  I might give my workout buddy a stroke if I actually show up on time...hahaha!!  Nooooooo...she'll just smile and shake her head...heeheehee!!!  :)))
Ok, now that I've kind of given you and overview of my current's all of the side effects of wanting EVERYTHING allllll at once....I HAVE TO, HAVE TO, HAVE TO, HAVE TO, HAVE TO WORK FOR EVERY LITTLE sliding nothing.....this is ALLLLL me....and do you know's the absolute scariest thing to me on the entire planet....yeahhhhh...who knew!!  So, I'm going to spill it all out, right here...yep, that's what I'm going to prepared!!  :)
Ok, so the school thing...all of these thoughts of what's going to happen once I'm I going to go out there and make something of myself...and if so...what is it that I'm looking for....soooo confused...all I know are a few things for sure....I want to do something that I'm proud of and that my friends and family would be proud of and I want to make some sort of difference IN at least ONE person's life...and I want to make THAT my life....any ideas????
The whole working out thing....I'M SUPER, SUPER, SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THIS ONE!!  I'm just going into week 5...don't laugh, but this is seriously the longest that I've stuck with something like this...and yes, I'm most definitely feeling better...everyday makes me feel like a stronger person....almost kind of like a new person...I can't wait to see what I feel like after TEN weeks...I can't even imagine..hahaha....while this is definitely something that I look forward to each day....someday's it's soooo hard to wait, wait, wait to see anything changing....I can feel what's changing on the inside of me, just a little impatient waiting for the outside results..I know that it will eventually show up...and I need to keep reminding myself that all of the good stuff comes to those that wait...that don't give up....ohhhhhhhhhh kayyyyyyyyyy...HAHAHA!!!  I'm just trying to figure everything out in my head...there are some people that have come into my life and I have shrugged them off...and didn't exactly want to...I don't ever remember being quite this bad...I've become terrified know, I can't even put it into words....but, shoooooot....
Soooo, having said that....the third thing that I have decided that I wanted to work at was TRUST...hmmmm...I know that God has plans for me...I'm hoping that they are huge plans and I'm hoping that I can live up to them....however, it's really hard these days to know who is being honest and who is playing with feelings...ooooooooo....I'm squinting my eyes as I type that....soooo, letting go and letting God...I'm going to go for it...have enough trust in Him to know that I will come out all matter what...right??  OF COURSE!!!  ...and, as I've mentioned before, I have an EXTREME love for quotes...I read them all of the time when life starts feeling a little bit overwhelming...I came across this truly made me feel better about it is:

Sooooo, there it is....allll of this worrying (and we all know that worrying will NEVER change the outcome of a situation...sometimes it can even make a situation worse..OH NO!!) and wondering and allllll of the "eh" feelings....YEAH....this is ALL in my control....I have to do one is going to do it for me and no one is going to care as much as me if I do or don't do it.....ahhhhhhh....there is the key....I will ONLY continue to walk backwards through life if I don't step up and realize that I am the ONLY one who is going to hurt if I don't at least give it my ABSOLUTE BESSSST SHOT!!!  WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!  Change is usually always a good thing...I should rephrase that....positive change is usually always a good thing...soooo, really where can we go wrong as long as we're heading in a positive direction...YAYYYY!!!  Ok, I think that I have re-energized myself.....I'm going to pull out my, study, out, work out, work right, eat right, eat right....and feel ohhhhhhhhhh sooooooo gooooood!!!  If I'm the best version of myself, I will have soooo much more to offer those that give me the best of themselves, and I'm completely surrounded by AMAZING peeps....I can only try to live up to their 'AMAZINGNESS'...yes, that's right...I just invented a word...hahaha!!
Ok everyone...thanks for reading...LIVVVVVE WELLLLLLLL!!!!!  :)))