Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Falling...isn't always a bad thing.....

Isn't this the most amazing thought!!  I think that it is true, right down to it's core!  So, I decided that I wanted to write tonight..however, I wasn't sure what to write, or better to write what I wanted to say...but, thennnnnn....I found this quote....and it is SOOOO perfect for where I'm at...and I think that there are some others out there in the same, here I am...totally intrigued by this and the meaning that I find in are my thoughts...EEEEEK!!! :)
I've known a lot of different kinds of people in my life..and I do believe that people are put on our paths for a reason...always a lesson or something to find within yourself that you need to have to go on...I know that sounds overly dramatic, but the more I look at where my life is and where I want it to go...I see why some of those people were brought into my life...always something positive if we look at it in the right light.  Sometimes I think to myself..why do I always end up like this or that or why did that happen....hmmmmm...and then...THENNNNN...I thought....what did I do to make this happen...what was MY part in the selfish as this sounds, I had never considered my own self in the was all about what someone else was doing to ME...what????  REALLY???  Did I not allow certain things to happen while I sat there quietly...screaming on the inside that I was actually allowing these things..I was partaking in the whole scenerio..even if it was something that I knew was wrong..I don't feel good about myself for some of the decisions that I made...was I putting someone else's thoughts about themselves on the line???  Was I risking someone else's dignity to satisfy my own self????  Did I even consider another person's feelings about this...what if what I was doing, someone else was doing to would I feel???  For so many years, I don't think that I have ever really considered myself a part of anything..I was just moving about in this world being unnoticed...there was never really any impact that I was having on anyone...they may think about me while I'm right there in front of them, but once I thought was ever had about me...which in turn lead to me doing things that I don't feel were something that I would ever do..but...I WAS DOING THEM...I was doing things that I could have NEVER imagined myself doing...talking about people with other people...gossiping...trying to please the world that I "felt" didn't care whether or not I was alive or dead...because, I thought that I was just some shadow that skated through life with no consequences...and I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT!!!!  HORRIBLE...UNTHINKABLE....SOOO ASHAMED OF MYSELF!!!!  
They say that the things that someone else does that make you SO are SO annoyed that you think that you are going to cannot even fathom being that narrow minded...that stubborn...that whatever it is that really gets to you...anyway, they say that if you look closely at the things that bother you the MOST about another person, those are the things about yourself that you hate the most or the part of yourself that you don't want anyone else to know about, because it's THAT bad!!  I've thought about this particular thought and I think to myself...I would NEVER do that...there's that "never" that we should NOT use...because if we look deep, deep.....realllllllly deeeeeeeeeeeeeep....(disclaimer..this is a new discovery of within the last couple of weeks and a really good friend to help me see) will see...looking back on the past few years (aka: decades) of my life...I think about all of the memories I've made..all of the people that I've met...all the things that I can remember vividly saying or doing....and then I think about all of the times that I was at the lowest points in my life and what was going on when I got into those dark places that I didn't think had an end....what was I doing...what was I saying???  I wasn't doing or saying things that I was proud of...that's for sure!  After doing a little reevaluating of my life and where it was heading these past few days...I've realized that at the lowest points in my life...I was doing and saying things that go against almost everything that I believe myself to be!  Does that make any sort of sense???  NOOOOO!!!  
So...enter in the quote from above....many of the things in our lives that we view as the "end of the world"..things just couldn't possibly get any worse...we start questioning our self worth...looking for ANY answer that would make this "suffering" make sense....we make desperate choices...we believe everything anyone tells us...we are desperate to figure this out and will go to any lengths to make the ultimate discovery of our own destruction...when all along, we/I are the one's destroying ourselves...we allow all of this negativity into our lives...we set traps for it so we can catch we can feel a part of something...anything...even if it is the most horrible thing...we will find a way to actually "enjoy" it...because after all...that makes us mean us validation for our own selves and also makes it so we don't have to take any sort of responsibility for what we do because..I was just doing what everyone else was doing...just like I'll jump off of the cliff just because the other people did...even though I knew that it would be to my own demise...those are the people that don't care about you...those are the one's that are just using you to fill in for something that they are missing, because if someone REALLY cares about you..they would be the one's there screaming and pulling you back...yelling at you to NOT jump...bringing you back to the reality that you lost somewhere along the line....THOSE ARE THE ONE'S THAT MATTER..those are the one's that make all of the difference in the world!!
Now that I've rambled on and usual...haha!!  Anyway...sometimes the darkest times in our lives are the times that have the most beautiful lessons hidden in them...we only need to open our eyes and our minds and realize that we are not the only one's on the Earth...there are millions of other people...millions of other scenerios...millions of people suffering...millions of people celebrating wonderful moments in life...we need to see and appreciate people for where they are at in life...but, we also need to see and respect why these people and why these circumstances are in our lives at the moment that they are....WE ARE GROWING...LEARNING...ALWAYSSSS!!!  Life is not about who has the most or who has endured the is about growing and becoming the person that you were meant to be...the person that lies inside all of us that we are afraid to let out...the one that would soar if only we would untie our wings...(a little never hurts, right?  heehee)....but, in the end...those moments where we are ready to end it all...because we don't "matter"....when life looks like a war zone and there's no light at the end of the tunnel....those actually end up being the most beautiful moments in our lives...they are the moments we begin to see change...a whole new way of looking at things and a whole new way to appreciate those moments in our lives....and they give us an open door to move on to the next phase of, wishing all of the people that have crossed my path only happiness...and gratitude for what they have given's taken me a LONNNNG time to realize this, but once again...God placed some pretty amazing people in my life right when I needed them to be there...they showed me the err of my ways...and they also showed me that what I do DOES in fact, matter.....make better decisions the next time around....and know that we are ALWAYS growing and changing....there are people that I truly love and I always will, but I have to let them find their own happiness in life...just because I can't be a part of their lives, I have to let them go and realize that they will always be a part of my story...and I'm so, so grateful for that...I wish for them to find their way in life and hoping for their happiness...
Soooo, that's what has been on my mind the past few weeks...a lot of self analyzing and reflection...and well...growing!!!  I obviously LOVE to talk/ I make long stories even LONGER...ha....hope that it all made sense and hoping that you enjoyed it...have a FABULOUS night everyone!!!!  Thanks for reading!!  :)))


Monday, April 8, 2013

Believe nothing...unless.....

Sooooo.....this has got to be the longest that I have EVER went without blogging...OHHH NOOOO!!!  Hahahaha!!  I'm hoping that everyone has been enjoying life and making the most out of it....I would love to say that I've been busy, busy...but, it's more like lazy, lazy...heehee!!!
It seems that I've been lost in my own little world lately...just thinking about life...the know, light thinking...hahahaha!!
I sometimes just sit around and think of all of the people in my life that ARE my life..they raise me higher..they challenge me...I cherish them OHHH SOOOO MUCH!!!  So, here are my thoughts...I honestly ADORE the peeps in my life...and I feel that I have seriously been MORE than blessed in that area of my life...WOOOHOOOO...LUCKY, LUCKY MISS MOLLY!  ...but, as I've talked about before...there seems to be a HUMONGO whole or space orrrrr, well whatever you want to call it..something missing...I've sat and tried to figure it out and I most certainly do not want to downplay those amazing family and friends of mine...they are so far up on top of the pedestal that I've put them on that there is absolutely NO WAY that I can make light of that...I love them to the core of my being!  So, having said that, we often run across people...and since I have been so insanely spoiled by the people in my life, I trust pretty much anyone that crosses my NAIVE...I know...blahhhhhhh!!!  So, we come across these people that tell you EVERYTHING that you've been DYING to hear....I mean it's UNBELIEVABLE that someone could, almost word for word tell you everything you want to hear....that mayyyyyyybeeeeeee....just MAYBE someone one would be so mean as to mess around with someone's emotions, feelings...whatever you want to call them....ooooooooooo....I don't even like writing that OR thinking that!  I've come to the realization that people, more than I would like to admit...will do or say ANYTHING to get what they want...REALLY????  This makes me soooo sadddddd!!!  People will be so, so, so kind and talk to you like you've been friends with them for YEARS and then turn around and throw a person under the bus just as easy as they breathe, without even flinching...hmmmmmm....darn it!!
Soooooo, with all of these thoughts running around in my head, I've tried to come up with a way to realize when people are being honest and when they aren' you realize how hard that is????  So, this word was said when I was discussing my thoughts with one of my friends...master manipulators....DARN IT!!  What can I do to prevent this "blind" trust that I seem to have for everyone that I meet???  Do I not trust ANYTHING that anyone says to me regarding certain things...just play along and act like I'm totally believing everything that's coming out of their mouths and then walk away??  I would hate to go through life not trusting...just assuming that everyone is lying just to get something from a person....but, on the other gets old knowing that's all that they think I'm (or whoever) is worth...a lie???  WOWSERS!!!  I have found it a lot easier to live in some fantasy world where everything is AWESOMMMMME all of the time...I don't like to look at anything bad that might be going actions/decisions are a lot of the time a bad choice, but I choose to do them anyway...that's just as bad as anything else...I don't think things through...just act on a whim and say that I'll worry about it later...well, I think that "later" has finally arrived and I'm being bombarded with all of the wrong choices that I've made (at least the one's that I can remember) and I'm not quite sure how to handle it....we can't make up for lost time...we can't go back and redo anything...make a different decision...hmmmmmm....I suppose that they only answer is...if I have to tell myself that I'll worry about it later....maybe I shouldn't be doing it..hahaha!!!   I am not wanting this blog to be all negative, we must turn this baby around...YESSSSS!!!!!
I'm going to try to look more toward the future and realize that past decisions are past decisions..they can't be undone...and yes, my life is NO WHERE near where I would like it to be, but it is where it needs to be...we can only learn from past decisions...realize where it was we took the wrong turn and learn and grow from it!  Now, this seems like a HUGE task, however I think will be the best thing to do at this point....not everyone has our best interests at heart....only and ONLY we, ourselves can decide what is the best for us...after all, we are the only one that is going to care whether we get what we want out of our lives....ohhhhhh....this has been a lonnnnnnng time coming....and if you're wondering...I'm a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to life...I probably should have had this "epiphany" years ago, huh???  haha!!  Well, one thing is for sure...I have had TONS AND TONS AND TONS of FUNNNN over the years...and I've made some SPECTACULAR friends (you know, the one's that they say you will only be able to count your real one's on one hand)...yeah, my Dad wasn't kidding when he used to tell us girls that...
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST THOUGHT OF...what if I'm going through a midlife crisis...OHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!  hahahahaha!!  Just had to add a little's getting WAY to serious around here...heehee!!!  Ok, so here's my plan....if actions don't match's not's fake...I'm not going to believe that people are doing and saying these things on's just their way of communicating, doesn't mean that I have to believe it...I will just smile and listen and move on....I need to be able to believe in the goodness of people and the only way that I can think to do that is just smile....I don't want to argue...just smile....move on and find my own way....YAHOOOOOOO!!!
Yep, that was A LOT of rambling...if you made it this far...thanks for reading...heehee!!  :)))
Here's to turning the page to a NEW and BETTER chapter in life.....YAYYYY!!!!  :)))

Thursday, January 17, 2013

"Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got..."

Wellllll helllllllo all!!!  Hoping that all has been well in your world's.....things have been pretty good in mine!  ...althoughhhhh, it's been...ohhhhhhh....what.....a million and a half years since I've last posted anything...WHOA!!!  Now that we're on the downhill side of January, I'm hoping that all of your holiday's were SUPER SPECTACULAR!!  I love, love, LOVE the holiday's...they are the bestest time of year!!! 
Sooooo, I got the grandiose idea today to write a blog tonight...which in turn got my little brain turning and turning trying to think of something AHHHH-MAZZZZZINGGGGG to write about, but to no avail...I came up empty would think that I lead a pretty boring life, huh??  hahaha.....soooo anyway, I thought and thought and thought and I think that I FINALLY came up with, herrrrre goes....
The one thing that you need to know about me is that I am EXTREMELY passionate about how we treat each other...this is a pretty broad statement, I'm talking about any person...friend, stranger, enemy...anyone...this applies to the ENTIRE human race....yes, when I say "grandiose" I meant GRANDIOSE...heehee!!!  Over these past few years of my existence, I've come to realize that I am EXTREMELY intrigued by how people treat other people...what they expect from both people they know and strangers, because we all have to admit that we usually are expecting something of somebody almost all of the time....sometimes those expectations are high and sometimes they are low...but, we all have expectations of one another...on whatever level it may be...
Sooooo, having said that...I have to confess something that I'm not proud of, but yet I'm not exactly ashamed of it either....I totally and completely lost my cool today with a good friend of mine....LOST IT...WAYYYYYY OVER THE TOP, LOST IT!!!  ...I am NOT proud of the way that I handled the situation, but I am happy and relieved that she is a good enough friend to not hold it against me...she just sat there and listened to me scream and vent and throw the HUGEST temper tantrum that I have ever thrown...WHOA!!!! I need to STOP and reevaluate....I've been thinking about it all day long.... that I said that, back to the expectations thing.....I have, as I've mentioned in probably every post...some pretty amazing friends....they have stood by me through all sorts of things and moods and just more things and they have never failed, I realized today that I do have SUPER HIGH expectations of my friends...expectations that I would hope that I live up to where they are concerned as well.....I never really thought about it....but, you know when one thing happens over and over and over and over...there comes a point when you can't take it want to SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.....your chest gets all tight, you can't breathe, your heart is racing...your face is red...your acting like a CRAZY MANIAC.....and you take it out on those closest to you, 'EXPECTING' that you will come out of this dark cloud unscathed and still have a wonderful friend....ahhhhhhh......I am the lucky one...I do still have a friend....thank goodness, because I probably don't deserve it! 
I have lived 30 some odd years and have yet to grasp the concept of the fact that basically people are just out for themselves, the majority of the people in our lives are just acqaintences to walk along the road with us for a while... and then we have the precious few that never leave WONDERFUL are those people, for without them...where would any of us be???  I also realized that I have never felt an emotion quite so strong, in I think my whole body actually hands were shaking....something I hope to never experience again, but yet at the same time...I felt kind of ALIVE...that I was standing up for something that I believed in....YESSSSSSS!!!  Yes, most likely went about it in the wrong way, but there was definitely fire...haaaa!!!!  I want SO DESPERATELY to believe that there is goodness and compassion and a kind heart in everyone that I meet....I want to be surrounded by that in my life and I want to show that part of myself to the's a bit disheartening to know that there are more people than I would like to admit..that ARE actually just out there for themselves...they've been broken by a society that has become SO insanely selfish that no one can see outside of themselves anymore...and the one's that can just give up because it seems like we're just little hamsters running on a wheel that is getting us no where...nothing against hampsters...I love them...they are the cutest little things....yes, a bit side tracked there...heehee!!  I guess, I just hope and pray that people start looking more at how they are treating other people...have a litte more consideration for someone else, even if it is "cramping your style" makes you feel sooooo good when you go out of your way to make someone's day a little bit easier....or to make someone smile...I know how it feels to have people do that for me...that extra little time they take to help me out....or when I'm having a bad day and I look up and see a smiling face waving at me...heehee...some people are so cute!!  I think that we all have it within us, I think that the world has just beaten us to the point that no one knows what to do anymore.....I guess what I'm trying to say is is SOOOOO worth it to be genuine and honest and loving and gives hope and instills happiness and's all of those warm fuzzy feelings we all love....and you know what....I think that we are all looking for that, we just don't know where to start.....everything starts with just one little baby, teeny tiny step.....just a little smile at a stranger and before you know it, you're walking around smiling and saying hello to everyone....just try time you're out shopping...instead of looking at the floor or your cart or whatever may be on the at the person coming toward you.....MOST of the time, they instantly smile's infectious....that's not the right word that I'm looking for, but you get what I'm going for....SPREAD KINDNESS and have consideration for another person, because it will give you SO much back.....ahhhhhhh....and there is my dream....all layed out in a million words...heeheee.....
Thanks so much for reading...I love writing in my blog, just need to keep up on it a bit more....have a FABULOUS night!!!