Decide that you WANT it...

Hey everyone!!  I think that my posts are getting fewer and further between!!  Where has my motivation gone??  Hoping to find it soon, I'm kind of missing it..haha!!!  ...anyway, hoping that everyone's week has been going well...
Well, for today...I've been doing some soul searching...and FYI...I do this a lot...haha!!  ...anyway..so there have been some decisions that I have made both recently and in the past...I give them a lot of thought..wonder why I made the decisions that I made and whatnot...I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason...to help us grow into the person that we were meant to be...totally believe that!!!  ...but, I find myself questioning why I continue to repeat the same mistake over and over and OVERRRRR....because, well...it's getting old!  ..obviously I am not learning the lessons that I need to be learning...uh oh!!!  Sooooo, here I am...trying to figure out how to deal with everything and still find peace within myself...how do I let this closet that is BUSTING at the seams with skeletons go....how do I find peace and start learning from my past behaviors, which seemed to have crept back into my present....makes me want to SCREAMMMMM!!!!  I'm trying so hard to not let this affect me...to remain happy and laid back, but my insides are about to burst right out of me...I'm so angry with not only the situations, but that I allowed myself to fall into this GIGANTIC black hole of regret....soooo, as you all know..I'm in LOVE with quotes, so I found this one and it got me to thinking about what exactly it is...what changes do I need to make to feel fulfilled in this life and not carry around my past and all of the regret and shame that comes along with it....hmmmmm.....here's the quote and then I'll continue on with my thoughts..haha!!

Ok...so there it is...in all it's glory...haha!!!  So, this is it...what am I SO insanely afraid of?????  ....wellllllll, I'm TERRIFIED of rejection....in any shape or form...so, as I'm realizing this I'm seeing that I have become a "yes" person....yep, never say no....just make everyone happy and then there will be no confrontation to deal with...no rejection....no NOTHING!!  Somewhere in this plan that I thought was foolproof....I got lost....I lost myself....I forgot about myself and along the path I became angry with these "situations" that kept coming up...I began to feel that the only thing that I was worth in this world was what I could do for everyone....hmmmm....I forgot that I needed to take care of me....OHH NOOOO!!!!  So, here I am....trying to figure it all out....what do I do with all of the hurt and frustration, that I...ME....MYSELF caused?????   I need to set some goals...some HUGE, life changing goals and I need to use these goals as both an outlet for the regret and shame and a foundation for which I am going to rebuild my life AND my future!!  I need to find the control that I've been searching for.....YES!!!  I am in the process of making these goals and I am fully intended on reaching every single one of them.....number ONE on the list....QUIT BLAMING...TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MYSELF!!!  WHOA...this is going to be a challenge...and super scary...but, I'm ready for it...I'm ready to control myself...not let other's control me...and I'm going to LIVVVVVE...really, really, really LIVE!!!  So, here I go....I'm joining a gym and I'm going to sweat out EVERY SINGLE BAD THING....heeheeheehee!!!  Let's hope, anyway!!  heeehee...I'm not one that enjoys working out..but, I'm going to give it a whirl...in the meantime....I'll be planning my next adverturous goal...I gotta think on it...cuz, it's gotta be a good one!!!  :)  No more blaming what I look like for how my life has turned out....I'm going to take control of it and move forward....

Now that I've rambled on and on and on about myself...I hope that this has helped someone that's struggling with similar issues....maybe we can do this together....heehee!!  Have a wonderful rest of the week everyone...thanks for reading!!  :))))